July 2022 submission - Short Story 'Surroundings'
The One Year Anniversary Challenge
Amazing feedback. Thank you Writers' Playground! Having another go in December 2022.
FEEDBACK FROM JULY 2022 WRITERS' PLAYGROUND COMPETITION:
"We really enjoyed your story, “Surroundings.” One of the greatest strengths of this piece is your use of some beautiful descriptive language and vivid imagery that really sets the scene and brings this story to life. We really like how you make the trees, the park, and nature itself, a character in the story.
We thought it was really interesting how the parents were so interested in the history of the park, and how that kind of bothered Sophie. We thought that was very authentic, as children seem to be more inspired by the now, and less interested in what the parents might find to be interesting about the past, having a clearer understanding of time. We really liked the line, “Sophie sighed. She loved to know some history, but she was tired of it overwhelming
her parents’ real experiences here in Paris.” It comes up again later that “she’d had enough of the past” and we thought it was kind of ironic that she felt this way and then ends up becoming a part of the tree, part of this park’s history.
Another theme that we thought this piece did a nice job of exploring was human’s impact on nature. The way that they come in breaking branches and bark in complete disregard as Marcus watches on, could be seen as a commentary on the human impact on nature on a larger scale. We thought some of the parts that talk about empathy could be hinting at that as well. We thought that was interesting to consider."
"You did a wonderful job painting a portrait of this park and the characters that were there..."
"It was very surreal when Sophie disappears and is sort of enveloped by the tree. It was interesting, but..."
"Overall, we thought that the writing was very good. You did a nice job incorporating the prompts and you should be proud of what you accomplished over such a short period of time. It was a pleasure to read. Nice work and keep writing!"
Merick Humbert Mariana Davila Moreno
Submitted short stories in August 2022
